Newly Weds

One Sunday night Jimmy and I went home with a couple that were probably in their late 30’s early 40’s.
It was a Sunday so we did the show in the afternoon, and then a quick church service, so we were done by about 8:00 pm.
The couple took us to a modest home, and they seemed pretty nice. On this particular night, we had to take the truck with us. I am not sure why that is important, it is just something I remember.
The couple told us that they were newly-weds, which was cool, and neither Jimmy or I really gave a crap, until about 9:00 pm, sharp, the dude raises his arms in a big stretch/yawn, and announces “Boy am I tired” She looks over at him, and with a twinkle in her eye says “oh yeah.. I am tired too” They both proceed to finish up with us at lightning speed. And disappear off to bed.

Jimmy and I end up sitting in their living room looking at each other wondering what the hell we did to make them leave us so quickly, and then we realize, it wasn’t us!

This modest home wasn’t the newest home on the market, nor did it have really solid floors upstairs. As we are sitting there, We here them going at it over our heads. You might has well been filming a movie up there, the bed was a rockin and you could hear the floor boards creaking, as well as an occasional moan or two.
The finale of the whole event, was when the woman appeared in the stairs and went into the kitchen to make a sandwich. I guess they worked up an appetite.

A Florida Double Wide

We ended up going home with a retired couple one night after a show.

It was Jimmy, Scotty, Me and I think Gary.

They were a really nice and friendly couple, and I can't remember what the ladies name was, but their last name was Erk, and the guy's first name was Jerry. It is easy to remember his name because if you put his first initial together with his last name, you get "Jerk"

If he is still alive, he has a crappy email address. jerk@hotmail.com

They took us out for a bite to eat after the show, and then brought us to a mobile home community which was pretty common in Florida. A lot of retired people took us home, and they took us to a lot of double-wides.

We are all sitting around the living room and the lady calls out from the kitchen and asks if we want some ice cream. We all say yes.

The layout of the trailer was a living room that opened up into a kitchen/dining room. The couple was in the kitchen and we were just around the corner in the living room

We are goofing off quietly in the living room and trying to keep our laughter quiet so as not to arouse suspicion. Jimmy got up to go change into some more comfortable clothes and then as we saw him walking across the dining room, we heard the lady ask if anyone had any laundry. 

That was the moment where I thought my body was going to explode I started laughing so hard.

Jimmy answered the lady's question with a chipper "I sure do" and then with his shorts under his arms, walking towards us, he dropped his pants in the middle of their living room, underwear and all. Jimmy is standing there with his dong hanging out, and trying to get his shorts on before the couple comes walking around with bowls of ice cream. We are all crying we are laughing so hard, and now Jimmy is laughing as he is caught up in his shorts jumping up and down with his bare ass in the air. He finally pull his shorts up and covered himself up. The couple came around the corner with our ice cream and I am sure they were wondering why we all had tears in our eyes and were still laughing.

HERE IT COMES

So, on this one tour, I think it was When the Arrow Flies, we had this girl named Simone. She was one step away from being an albino. I am not kidding, she was whiter than anyone I may have ever seen. One day, on the bus, we were cruising along, and Brent and I were sitting together. We saw Simone almost running down the aisle towards the bus driver. She came back after a minute or so, and she did not look happy. I mean really concerned! she sat down a few seats behind us, and we could hear her crying. "They won't stop" Uh oh.... We had to put a lot of miles on that day, and they were pretty adamant about everyone making sure that they went to the bathroom before we left. Now, with 40 kids on a bus, you can't just stop every time one them says they have to pee. So, we just ignored it. Next thing you know, Simone's seat mate went forward to talk to the bus driver. She came back with bad news for Simone. Brent and I could hear her crying as she was told to suck it up and hold it. The crying started to get more intense. Another trip to the front of the bus, and more bad news! This time the entire bus got the picture as Simone started wailing.. crying with no holds barred! Brent and I were two seats directly in front of her, and as the wailing intensified, we were wondering how this was going to play out. Then we heard the not so magic words. Simone stopped wailing for just one second.. it was almost a theatrical pause, and then like a pregnant woman giving birth, she wailed, "HERE IT COMES" Oh shit... Brent and I looked at each other, and then both realized... our stuff is under the seats. We grabbed our gear and threw it all up on our laps, and waited for the flood. Well, no flood came, but boy did the smell! After Simone stopped wailing and reduced herself down to just crying, the smell of pee drifted through the bus. It was truly repulsive. Brent and I buried our faces in our pillows. We got our cologne out of our bags and spread a shot on the pillow case and dove in like a little kid eating an ice cream cone. 

Go figure, now they decide that maybe Simone did have to go pretty badly, and we stopped at the next rest stop. 

Everyone piled off the bus, and the motherly girls on the bus helped poor old Simone get off the bus, get her luggage and head to the restroom to get cleaned up. 

They pulled the seat cushion out, and tried to clean it. I really can't remember much after seeing Simone stumble off the bus crying her eyes out. All I know, is that I am scarred for life.

HERE IT COMES!!!!