Ham and Cheese Sandwiches

The way it worked when we traveled with Word of Life, was that we would do the show at a venue, sometimes it was a theater, sometimes a high school, or sometimes a church. At the end of the night, wherever it was, local families that went to the sponsoring church would stay behind after everyone left, and wait for us to finish breaking down the show, and packing it in the truck.

Then we would get paired up and sent home with a family. This family was supposed to give us some kind of snack, a clean bed, and breakfast, a bag lunch for the next day, and a ride back to the church where we would meet the group and head to the next venue.

After working as hard as we did, a light snack of milk and cookies just sucked. You were starving by the time you got to the family's home. So, it was a total crap shoot as to whether or not you went to bed hungry or not. Now, I am not complaining that my health was at risk, but when you are hungry... you are frigging hungry!

Sometimes they would stop by a restaurant and by you a cheeseburger, and if that happened.. you had hit the holy grail!  A lot of times you got pizza, which was alright in my book. Hot food was hot food. Then a good percentage of the time, it was more like a light dessert, cookies, ice cream, cake. The next morning it was a total lottery as to whether breakfast was edible or not, and almost always, at breakfast, the inevitable question would pop up. "Do you guys like ham and cheese?" 

Now, you can't really complain about ham and cheese.... it is the american sandwich for Pete's sake! I only ask you to think about this. A bag lunch sitting around everyday with the same ham and cheese sandwich that you had yesterday for lunch in Lousiville Kentucky, and are going to have today in Valdosta Georgia, and then tomorrow in Huntsville Alabama, and most likely, the day after that in Pensacola Florida. Give a guy a break!

So, occasionally, the host family would give you an option. In addition to the standard apple or banana, ziplock bag full of stale, flavorless chips, they might say something like, "we have ham and cheese, or if you want, PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY" 

You had to take a deep breath and control your excitement... they might misinterpret your shaking voice for disappointment if you weren't careful. You would try to sound as casual as you could when you responded "I would like Peanut Butter and Jelly... Please"

Once you had let that slide out of your mouth... you could then do an invisible fist pump, a silent..."Yes!" and go back to forcing down what some people think are scrambled eggs.

So, this one day, This 70 year old lady takes 8 of us guys home to this ancient house, and sends us all up into the unheated attic to sleep on old mattresses, under dusty blankets. We are all carrying on, and I suppose at that point in our 20 something year old lives, we didn't have life experience enough to know it was that bad, so it was ok. 

The next morning, we are all sitting around the living room and the old lady comes out and asks us if we want ham or p-b and j. All 8 of us ask for the Peanut butter and jelly, and the lady hobbles back into the kitchen and proceeds to lay out 16 pieces of bread and gets out a butter knife and dips it into the jelly. 

From the chair that I am sitting in, I can see into the kitchen and I am watching her make the sandwiches. Feeling good about avoiding the ham and cheese dilemma, I am just hanging out. None of the other 7 guys can see what I am seeing, as I watch this sweet, gray haired old lady spread jelly over the bread, and then I feel like I am going to puke. Out of her 70 year old mouth, comes a 70 year old tongue as she licks the knife, dips it back in and spreads more jelly on each sandwich. This continues to happen after each dip into the jar, and I sadly realize that our lunch is ruined and useless. I think to myself... "I wonder if I can trade some sucker on the bus for a nice Ham and Cheese Sandwich"