10 gallons of crap in a 5 Gallon Bucket.

I was on this show called the Passion Play, and the final scene consisted of, all these kids on stage in white robes, Dry ice fog rolling all across the stage and then this 30' wide crown that stood about 7 feet tall, complete with flashing strobes in the face to make the jewels stand out. Behind the beautiful crown was a mess. There were platforms where angels stood, then closer to the top and center were platforms attached to hand cranks where angels would stand and guys would turn these hand cranks on a cue, and lift more angels into the sky, and in the center of the crown was the tallest lift where Jesus would stand and go about 12 feet into the air.

This entire crown was on wheels and would usually sit off stage left, till the last part of the show. A narrator would intro the final scene with a poetic mantra, trying to build the energy for the music to roll, and then we would light up this magical heaven scene. 

It was never perfect though. 1000 lbs of crown rolling out on to the stage with 6 or 8 kids pushing it, guided by a stage manger that was just going to be lucky enough to get off stage before the narrator finished his shpeal was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. 

You could hear it rolling out onto the stage every night in the dark. The audience being gracious enough to pretend that they were paying attention to the narrator instead of squinting in the dark to see our little circus act. 

So, this one high school we were in was a really tight stage set. Scotty Philips was stage manager, and the crown was set up back stage all ready for its appearance.  The music ends, and the narrator kicks in. I am squinting watching for the first sight of the crown in the dark, and I am not seeing anything at all. Scotty is off his headset, and there is a lot more noise than I would normally expect. 

It turns out, that the way the pull strings for all the stage curtains and travelers are fixed in this theater, there just isn't enough room to roll the crown out onto stage. 

At this point.. the narrator is just about finished, and there is just no crown on stage. 

Now Scotty Philips is a short scrappy dude.  This guy makes up for in pure determination any limitations that he has physically for sure. Maybe even the hardest working guy I ever saw in this business.

The narrator finishes, and his light goes out.. we are now officially in dead air... it is agonizing.... Then from 70 feet away... I hear a grunt, and a loud crash. Scotty basically lifted the end of the crown by himself up and over the curtain pulleys and it crashed down on to the stage. I see the shadows of the actors scurry around climbing onto the crown, and I am just waiting to hear someone on headset tell me we are ready. 

I hear the headset bouncing around backstage, and Scotty comes on breathing so heavy, you would think he just ran a marathon while smoking a carton of filterless Camels. "ROLL IT" he heaves.. and then goes back to his deathbed. 

I hit the play button on the reel to reel, and the lighting computer gets the cue, and we light it up and crank the sound like we are at the pearly gates of heaven. The show must go on!